Can you get back with your ex? And if yes, how will you make it work.
Love relationships are weird situations if you ask me.
Why? Let me explain…
You know how you can be with a person for say 5 years. Then one day out of the blues, bad luck knocks at your door and demand for a date with either or both of you.
You find yourself in a situationship that you can’t take yourself out of.
Say your partner lies to you, or you find a dead secret has decided to resurrect at your door. Your partner hears none of it… He takes off fuming and seething with anger.
It’s been 6 hours, nothing. 12 hours, nothing. 24 hours, nothing. 72 hours, ding! Ding! Message.
Your partner is wondering why you had to make things end… You explain yourself, you promise if given a chance to meet you will explain yourself and that the meet up is all you want.
Being human and emotional, a meet up is agreed upon. You take the best version of yourself as your own lawyer. This is a case you must win…
You talk and find out that it was only a misunderstanding, something you could have talked over. You promise not to do it again! Smiles… One tight hug… You are back together.
Congratulations on getting yourself another go at it, or for finding another chance to hurt your partner…
Actually coming back together has a fair chance of going either way. With the hurt-way carrying better odds.
In order to find out if you guys are good for each other, consider these factors:
-
Can you get back with your ex Be honest about what caused the breakup
In most cases, after breakup, trust is not anywhere near achievable. The best you can do is try.
Put the breakup on the surgery table. Find out what caused it to fall apart.
It’s not a blame game but rather an opening up moment. Don’t point fingers but be honest about what happened.
That’s the least you can do if you want it work out.
- Find out why you want to try again
Many a times, exes come together thinking they still have a chemistry. Only to find out that you both had missed a part of each other but not necessarily the relationship.
A sex escapade here and you find out she’s still the one you don’t want.
Put it clear, why do you want in again? Will the desire be gone after an intimate moment?
- Get honest with your inner circle
Relationships start as a two people affair. As it continue to grow, each one of you brings in friends, family, colleagues, etc.
Amongst them all, you won’t miss a confidant who you rush to when things are not in the best of shapes.
Could be family or friends… The first people you tell you’ve broken up.
When you decide to come back together, inform them too.
- Take it slow. One step at a time
It had broken. It needs time to heal and reenergize.
Don’t rush things lest you find yourself back to square one.
- Leave the past in the past
whatever happened has already happened and no form of recalling can erase it. When you decide to forgive each other, never at any point grind on the occurrences that lead to the break up.
It will paint you in a nasty and selfish image.
- Rebuild trust
Trust was broken, mend it.
Be empathetic with your partner. Show that you really want the fire to start burning again.
- Talk to a counsellor
When a car is involved in an accident, it heads to the garage.
Head to the garage for check up. Let a counsellor hear you out. It will be for the better of everyone.
- Set goals. Both individual and team goals.
If you decide to move forward with getting together. Set achievable goals for both of you as a team and individually.
This is to find out if you are still willing to put the work in for the relationship to go on.
- Have a trial period.
If all the necessary boxes have been checked, give yourselves a period of time to try things out.
Could be 6 months or a year. This is to see if what you’ve agreed upon can be implemented and see if the chemistry between both of you still exists.
- Know when it’s time to say goodbye.
Everything that has a beginning has an end. And your relationship is no different. There are levels where you try to make it work, but there are times you have to wear a brave face and confess that it’s not working.
When it comes to such a time, just call it quits amicably. Let each of you go their separate ways.